dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
