I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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