If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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