Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
