Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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