I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
