Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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