so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
