dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have fence marks all over my body
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
