I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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