I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
