the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
