the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
