I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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