Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
