whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
