Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
