so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
