Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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