Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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