Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He kissed a someone with a penis
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
All I want is dick and wine.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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