Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
