Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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