if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
