I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
