i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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