So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
