I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
