I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
