I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
