Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Vodka?
Forever.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
