Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
