i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
