My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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