...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
