what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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