I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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