i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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