She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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