I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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