I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
