now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
