My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
