I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm really busy with my period
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