i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
