i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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