I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
