my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
