Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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