i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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