Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
