Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I will be naked everywhere
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
