who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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