so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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