apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
