You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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